ingratiate

Imagine a puppy trying to get a treat: tail wagging, big eyes, maybe even a little paw on your leg. That puppy is trying to get on its owner's good side. To ingratiate yourself means to try to win someone's approval or favor through flattery, kindness, or helpful actions. It is about making yourself likable, often because you want something. You might see politicians trying to ingratiate themselves with voters before an election, or a new employee trying to ingratiate themselves with their boss. Be careful, though: if the effort is too obvious, it can seem fake.

To ingratiate oneself with someone is to deliberately try to win their favor by being pleasant, helpful, or flattering. It's more than just being nice; it implies a planned effort to gain approval, often because you want something from the other person.

Think of someone new joining a team at work. They might bring in donuts for everyone (a small kindness), offer to help with extra tasks (being helpful), and compliment their colleagues' work (flattery) – all attempts to ingratiate themselves with the group.

However, ingratiation isn't always seen as positive. It can suggest insincerity or manipulation if it feels overly calculated. A character in a novel might try to ingratiate themselves with a wealthy benefactor while hoping for a loan, but if their efforts are too transparent, the plan could backfire.

The word is often used when describing someone trying to gain an advantage through charm or flattery. You wouldn't say you ingratiated yourself with your best friend simply by being a good companion – that's just genuine friendship! But if you went out of your way to praise your boss's ideas specifically to secure a promotion, then you were likely trying to ingratiate yourself.

So, while kindness and politeness are always valuable, ingratiation specifically refers to the deliberate act of winning someone over with charm and flattery – often with an ulterior motive.